Last Vegas is a movie about four guys whose age is never stated (they are just indiscriminately old), but they've been friends since childhood. When Billy (Michael Douglas) announces his engagement to his 30-year old girlfriend, Sam (Kevin Kline) and Archie (Morgan Freeman) round up the grumpy Paddy (Robert De Niro) and set off for Las Vegas to throw Billy a bachelor party. They meet an indiscriminately old lounge singer named Diana (Mary Steenburgen) who shows them around Vegas and teaches Billy to not have relationships with hot, young women.
There are lots of Viagra "jokes." Kevin Kline talks about balls a lot. There several scenes where characters fake infirmity but are really quite spry! (Unless the joke requires the character to actually be infirm.) Last Vegas is relentlessly unfunny. That's the worst. Dramatic failure can be unintentionally funny, but comedic failure is brutally miserable.
I learned a couple of things from this movie about being old. Number 1: It's horrible to be old. There is nothing good about it. People of retirement age have stopped living and are merely awaiting death. Number 2: If you are going to marry a hot, young girl, that is terrible. You should marry a woman closer to your own age. But if you are married to a woman your own age, you should try to sleep with hot, young girls. I'm not sure if these lessons should be applied to real life, but they were definitely messages sent by the movie.
I guess my big issue is that the comedy isn't jokes about being old. The comedy is just making fun of old people. And there's big difference there. The difference is especially highlighted because there are a few "jokes about being old" in the movie too. It creates a contrast which makes the parts where they make fun of the elderly all that more shocking. This movie never lets you forget that old people are gross and dumb and weak.
How does a movie like this happen? It's all in the script. That's were jokes in movies come from. No writer in their 50s or 60s would ever write this. It would be offensive to them. Last Vegas could only come from a relatively young person. And it did. It is written by Dan Fogelman who is best known for writing children's movies. Last Vegas has the broad, ugly humor of a modern kid's movie. Fogelman ought to be ashamed of himself.
But apparently five Oscar winning actors were so hungry for a paycheck and/or attention that they took part in maligning people who're the same age as them (and humiliating themselves in the process). Michael Douglas (aged 69 with 2 Oscars) comes off as a "dirty old man" and an over-tanned clown. Morgan Freeman (aged 76 with 5 Oscar nominations and 1 win) comes off as barely alive. Robert De Niro (aged 70 with 7 Oscar nominations and 2 wins) is portrayed as a grouch and perpetually stuck in the past. Kevin Kline (aged 66 with 1 Oscar) is unable to function in the modern society and is stymied by any technology produced after the Kennedy assassination. Mary Steenburgen (aged 60 with 1 Oscar) fairs pretty well but is basically just being used to look good for her age. To be fair though, as Hollywood actors, they all look good.
I can't recommend you watch something else enough. Last Vegas is not a good movie. The film does try to squeeze in a little sweetness in the end, but none of that sweetness concerns the good side of being old. It's just some trite nonsense about friendship. If you want to watch something funny about a group of geriatric friends, then go rent a couple seasons of The Golden Girls. Those gals are awesome!
3.5 out of 10
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