Carrie

Back in 1976, Brian De Palma directed the film adaptation of Stephen King's novel, Carrie.  It was a huge critical and financial success.  It even earned two Academy Award nominations.  It would spawn a sequel in 1999 (a critical and financial failure), a TV movie in 2002 (a critical failure), and a Broadway musical (a critical and financial failure).

So when some producers approached Sony with the idea of making yet another Carrie, Sony took a look at the property's track record and said, "Absolutely not!"  Oh, wait.  Sorry.  I got that wrong.  Let me try that again: Sony took a look at the property's track record and said, "Here's $30 million!  Go make this movie."

The remake is essentially the same plot as the original except that it's awful.

I have very few good things to say about this movie, so I'll just get them out of the way right now.  I applaud any movie that casts Judy Greer.  I'm also a big fan of Julianne Moore who really tries to out crazy Piper Laurie from the original.  Finally, there's some really good songs on the soundtrack.

Now, let's get into the bad things.

Poor, poor Chloe Grace Moretz.  She's a pretty good actress, but she is horribly miscast here.  Carrie doesn't have to be ugly, but shouldn't be the best looking girl in school.  In the remake, the filmmakers never even try to make her look like anything less than Chloe Grace Moretz.  I can't understand why she's so reviled by her classmates.  They hate her because she wears overalls and hugs her books to her chest?  They despise her because she's religious and doesn't talk to anyone?  Sissy Spacek and Angela Bettis (in the TV movie) are also shy, but they are also super weird and awkward.  They are also not very pretty but have a distinct look.  Basically, we can she how they would attract unwanted negative attention from their classmates.  But when Carrie is some conversation skills and a sex-ed talk away from being the most popular girl in school, the entire foundation of the film falls apart.

The remake also has Carrie develop her mind powers way too early.  By the time she goes to prom, she can do anything with incredible skill and precision.  The shock of seeing her decimate her mocking classmates is therefore diluted.  In the original, Carrie snaps.  What she does to her fellow students is essentially out of her control.  Her vengeance is like an explosion.  It's sudden and indiscriminate.  We feel bad for Carrie.  Despite the carnage she has wrought, she is still innocent.  In the remake, Carrie relishes in her vengeance.  She singles out people and subjects them to torturous and elaborate deaths.  Another good example is when Carrie crashes Billy's car killing Chris and Billy.  In the original, Billy and Chris hunt Carrie down and she managed to mentally stop herself from being run over.  In the remake, Carrie hunts down Chris and Billy and then revels in the death she inflicts on them.  The Carrie of the remake is a monster.  She is evil.  The audience cannot feel pity for a remorseless murderer.

 The Carrie remake seems overly influenced by superhero movies.  We actually get to see her practice the mastery of her powers like she's Spider-Man (a Sony movie... coincidence?).  Carrie also gets a nemesis who behaves like an embittered supervillain.  Chris (Carrie's biggest bully) has the weirdest motivations and lines.  She screams several times about how she'll "get Carrie for this!" and blames Carrie for her fall from grace (like a Spider-Man movie... coincidence?). 

Carrie uses her hands to move things.  This may seem like an odd complaint, but let me tell you why it's a bad thing.  It's in the movie because the filmmakers think you (yes, you personally) are too stupid to understand that she shut a door or broke a mirror or picked someone up with her mind.  Every time Carrie waves her hands to make something happen, some folks in Hollywood are telling you that you're dumb.

Carrie's prom date is killed by a tin bucket that falls ten feet onto his head (spoilers!).  This is comparable to being killed by someone tossing an empty beer can at you.

The remake does so much to show how important restraint is in a horror movie.  By trying to be a bigger movie than the original, all the suspense goes out the window.  All you're left with is a movie that is mostly dull because it's trying so hard to be exciting.  Just watch the 1976 version.

P.S. This movie's screenwriter, Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, co-wrote the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark and wrote several Spider-Man comics for Marvel... COINCIDENCE?!

4 out of 10