I'm pretty sure this is the worst movie that I have ever seen. Maybe I've seen a worse one, but I'm really struggling to think of what that movie might be.
I avoid the "spoof" movies. It's a genre that was mangled beyond recognition in 2001. What happened in 2001, you ask? "Scary Movie 2." I actually enjoyed "Scary Movie." It was a fairly solid send up of contemporary horror tropes mixed with sight gags and a healthy dose of crude humor (comedies were still riding the "There's Something About Mary" wave). In 2001, "Not Another Teen Movie" arrived in theaters and was pretty damn good (I would say better that "Scary Movie" even). Back to back, quality "spoof" movies? Could we be so lucky three times in a row? No. No, we could not. Because "Scary Movie 2" happened.
"Scary Movie 2" has some funny bits. But it's a transition movie. It's the movie where the "spoof" moved away from jokes toward cartoony reenactments of movies, pop culture references, and bad cameos. "Scary Movie 3" was so offensively terrible that I didn't bother with the fourth or any other "spoofs."
"Scary Movie 5" (or "Scary MoVie") is relentlessly awful. Not only that, it's incredibly racist. I was embarrassed to watch it. But I had to watch this movie for the column. I had to watch it for you! (And I hate you for it.)
There is one funny bit in the middle. For some reason, the movie becomes very "Black Swan"-centric. So the filmmakers decide to parody the (awesome) lesbian sex scene from the original movie. But "Scary Movie 5" is rated PG-13. What to do? Keep cutting to scissors, tacos, hot dog buns, etc. rubbing on each other. In many old movies involving trains (before sex was allowed to be shown), the filmmakers would cut to a train entering a tunnel to imply sex was happening. This Freudian trick became a cliched, comedic innuendo over the years. But the scene in this movies involves two women. So instead of a train, a tunnel drives along the track until it crashes into the other tunnel. It's incredibly funny. But that's the problem! Don't tease me that there's still funny left in this series. It just got my hopes up to dash them on the rocks again. Fuck this movie.
I really have nothing more to say than that. I'm sure that if you show "Scary Movie 5" to another person, it's considered assault.
1 out of 10
There is one funny bit in the middle. For some reason, the movie becomes very "Black Swan"-centric. So the filmmakers decide to parody the (awesome) lesbian sex scene from the original movie. But "Scary Movie 5" is rated PG-13. What to do? Keep cutting to scissors, tacos, hot dog buns, etc. rubbing on each other. In many old movies involving trains (before sex was allowed to be shown), the filmmakers would cut to a train entering a tunnel to imply sex was happening. This Freudian trick became a cliched, comedic innuendo over the years. But the scene in this movies involves two women. So instead of a train, a tunnel drives along the track until it crashes into the other tunnel. It's incredibly funny. But that's the problem! Don't tease me that there's still funny left in this series. It just got my hopes up to dash them on the rocks again. Fuck this movie.
I really have nothing more to say than that. I'm sure that if you show "Scary Movie 5" to another person, it's considered assault.
1 out of 10
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