After Earth

"After Earth" is not the worst thing M. Night Shyamalan has directed.  That may be the highest praise I can give it.  "The Last Airbender" and "Lady in the Water" are much worse.  It's on par with "The Happening," but without that movie's failed potential.  "After Earth" has no potential.

"After Earth" is a movie about a future wherein mankind had to leave Earth due to something bad (I don't remember what).  1000 years later a stern military commander has to transport a dangerous monster that hunts by sensing fear.  So, he decides to take his cowardly son with him.  Their ship crashes on Earth, killing the entire crew, breaking the father's legs, and freeing the monster.  In order to summon a rescue, the son must journey several miles to the tail of the ship (which broke off in the crash) to utilize the distress beacon.  Along the way, he'll have to stop being a disappointment to his father, come to terms with having stood by and watched while his sister was eaten alive, and defeat the monster that is hunting him.

I have some issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that it's kinda boring.  It's hard to get worked up about something boring.  I spent most of the running time looking around the theater at the walls, other patrons, my shoes.  Anything was more interesting than the adventures of Smith & Son. 

 

I'm going to try to muster up some indignation and break down some of the problems with "After Earth." (I'd hate for my review to be as dull as this movie.)  Here we go:

 

1) Jaden Smith.  Dear God, he is just awful.  Why make him the star of a movie?  He can't act.  It's so awkward that I felt bad for him.  Also, he can't speak.  He opens his mouth but ends up emitting some sort of nasal mumbling.  Jaden is a talentless kid who apparently struggles with enunciation and a stuffy nose.  If that's what you're looking in a leading man, then "After Earth" may be the just movie for you.

 

2) Will Smith is not the main character.  If you've been waiting for Will Smith to take a role where he sits in a chair and speaks in a Cajun/British/African accent, then you are in luck!  This is that movie.  I wonder if Will was just trying to not act circles around Jaden.  He fails.  Did I mention how terrible Jaden Smith is?

 

3) There's a line in the movie (it's in the trailer too) about Earth: "Everything here has evolved to kill humans."  There haven't been humans on Earth in 1000 years.  Not only does evolution take more than 1000 years, but it also requires the prey to be present for the predator to adapt to killing it.  I usually don't try to dwell on plot holes, but this one is pretty major.  The murderous animals provide all the action for the entire movie, so it should make sense for them to exist.  This movie would've faired better with Creationism.  Seriously.  Humans ruin Earth, then abandon it.  God is so upset with mankind that he turns the animals into human killers.  It could've been like a parallel to the angel with the flaming sword denying reentry to Eden.  Sure, it's not a very good analogy.  But this is an M. Night Shyamalan movie.  No one expects it to be good.

 

4) The computer effects are terrible.  The animals are especially bad.  CGI never looks totally real, but it should be at least good enough to not be distracting.  The animals in "After Earth" look like cartoons.  If I want to watch a boy interact with a cartoon monster, I'll watch "Pete's Dragon."

 

There are some good things about "After Earth."  For example, the movie is only 99 minutes long.  Also, the set design is really good.  I liked the weird workings of the ship.  It's kind of a mechanical/organic hybrid.  That's it though.  Did I mention how terrible Jaden Smith is?

 

4 out of 10