If there are three things I always want more of Superman, Amy Adams, and Michael Shannon would be pretty close to the top of that list. So why is "Man of Steel" breaking my heart? Because it's not very good. But it's not a bad movie either.
I should note that this movie was tough to watch on two fronts: as a movie nerd and as a comic book nerd. Superman comics are my favorite. I love all things Superman. My home is littered with Superman artifacts. I've read the "The Essential Superman Encyclopedia" cover to cover three times. So, it takes a lot for me to watch "Man of Steel" as a movie. The vast majority of people who go to this movie will not have ever read a comic book, let alone a Superman one. I needed to disassociate myself from the comic book part of my brain. So, I will be making all my arguments on a purely cinematic platform.
It pains me to even have a list of grievances with "Man of Steel." But I have no one to blame but myself. You would think I would've learned my lesson after "Superman Returns" and "Smallville." I'm in an abusive relationship with Superman. He keeps beating me, but I keep coming back for more. And telling everyone how much I love him. I need help.
1) Buy a tripod! I don't mind some handheld camerawork, but the shots in "Man of Steel" are awful. The frame is constantly moving. I several quiet, dramatic scenes the camera is bouncing around like mad. I swear that the cameraman stumbles a few times during the film, and they just kept those takes. "Man of Steel" had a production budget of $225 million. A tripod for a 35mm movie camera costs less than $2000. Or if you really need that camera moving, a Steadicam rig can also be picked up for less than $2000. Am I to believe that they couldn't find $4000 somewhere? I'm sure the shaky camerawork is an artistic choice. More gritty and realistic or something. But I think it's really done to distract you from the more awful aspects of the movie.
2) Why is Lois Lane even in this movie? Way to go, "Man of Steel." You made be wish Amy Adams wasn't in a movie. It's not that Adams is bad as Lois Lane. The problem is: she has no reason to be there. She's just there to have the movie explained to her. You know what else works? How about they SHOW us the movie instead of just telling it to a pointless character? That sounds like it would make a much better movie. (SPOILERS AHEAD!) Screenwriter David Goyer constantly tries to justify her presence but it is always idiotic. We first meet her at an Arctic dig site containing an old Kryptonian spaceship. So, OK, a reporter shows up. That makes sense. But the ship flies away and no one believes her. So why have her ever show up? To have the ship explained to her. But the ship could've been explained by a scientist to a military officer. Boom. No need for Lois. Then General Zod demands that she come aboard his ship. Why? So he can explain to her why the evil Kryptonians breath different air. But Zod could just explain that to Superman since Superman has never encountered Kryptonian atmosphere. Boom. No need for Lois. But while she's on the ship, the ghost/hologram/whatever of Superman's dad tells her how to defeat the evil Kryptonians. Actually, he tells her the plan and instructs her to tell Superman. But he could've just told Superman. Superman's in the other room. Boom. No need for Lois. So, Lois tells Superman and Superman tells her to tell the head military scientist (why is this so complicated?). She tells the scientist and goes along in the plane with the Air Force guys to defeat the bad guys. But the scientist and Air Force now know what to do. Why take her, a civilian reporter, along? All this shit, in addition to being lazy exposition, serves to constantly put Lois in danger. That way Superman can keep saving her. It's just awful.
3) Superman's chest hair. It's shallow but it bothered me that Superman's chest hair is sticking up out of the collar of his costume. No way the collar couldn't be raised or Henry Cavill's chest hair shaved or plucked?
4) Superman is the worst thing to ever happen to modern man. Seriously. Sure, he's protecting us from Zod. (SPOILERS AGAIN!) But he destroys everything around him doing it. And there is no way that much destruction does not include human casualties. Can it be said that those thousands of deaths that Superman contributed to were in service of the greater good? That if he didn't destroy all of Smallville and huge chucks of Metropolis, then Zod would've killed everyone? So it was worth it, right? Well, that's the same argument that Zod gives to justify his actions. Basically, Superman is Zod with a smile. Or the desolation of Metropolis can be chalked up to Superman being a new hero. He didn't know that he should get Zod out of the city so as to reduce damage and loss of life. He'll do better next time, right? That's a REALLY hard lesson learned. Plus, I didn't pay nine bucks to watch Superman be a fuck up.
5) Everyone knows who Superman is. Seriously. I've had to tolerate FOUR Spiderman movies where the hero keeps taking his mask off in public, and Superman has managed in one movie to surpass that terrible "identity keeping." Lois figures it out in two seconds. Every citizen of Smallville knows. Hopefully for Clark Kent, all those people died when he razed Smallville to the ground.
6) Superman lives long enough to become the villain. (SPOILERS!!!) It's one movie in and Superman has given in to every impulse that his father said would make him a bad man. And he is still praised as a hero. Clark spends the whole movie resisting hurting people who really deserve it, because that would be an abuse of power. But he meets some folks that can take a punch and he goes flippin' ballistic! It's actually scary. In an instant, Superman goes from dimples and puppy eyes to a screaming maniac who smashes people in the face relentlessly. All his principles go out the window. The culmination of this is when he kills Zod. Superman kills Zod with his bare hands. He's spent the last hour causing the deaths of thousands. But when Zod threatens four civilians, Superman breaks his neck. Hell, Zod was in a headlock at the time. Sure, he's using his laser eyes to try to kill some random people. But if Superman had the strength to break Zod's super strong, Kryptonian spinal cord, then surely he's strong enough to just turn Zod's head away. Nope. Murder it is. But it's OK, because Superman is really upset about it.
7) Superman declares himself above the law. This shit actually happens. It could've gone up in #6 I guess, but it was so shocking that I had to address it separately. (MORE SPOILERS!!!) At the end, Superman crashes a U.S. military spy drone in front of a general. He proceeds to tell the general to stop spying on him and that he's here to help mankind. And the military better be on board for that. OK Mr. General, just because the threat is implied and delivered with a smile doesn't mean you should take that lightly. I hope the General goes back to the base and tells the President, the Pentagon, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff to start an Anti-Superman protocol. A super-powered alien has just declared himself the benevolent dictator of Earth. Some form of protection is needed in case the benevolence fades away. It's obvious he's still into wanton destruction. He could've just as easily taken that drone down with zero damage to it. Instead, he throws it to the ground in front of a car full of people. Thank goodness that no shrapnel flew out of it and killed anyone.
I really wanted to like this movie more. Michael Shannon is great. Henry Cavill is an excellent Superman (the writing of the character is not his fault). But all the characters are flat. Superman is the only character who grows or changes. And he becomes a goddamn monster! "Man of Steel" isn't terrible. I left the theater so stoked about it, but time has given me clarity. I can't stop poring over the grotesque problems of the movie. Most of the issues I have can be attributed to the script. If you're looking for a loud action movie, you could do better but you could do much worse. But this Superman fan did not get much out of "Man of Steel." I'd like to see it again to see if I can enjoy it knowing its problems, but I have a sinking feeling that it'll hurt even worse. Maybe this is my punishment for my brief flirtation with Batman a few years ago.
6 out of 10
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