Bullet to the Head

There seems to be a push in Hollywood (sparked by the success of "The Expendables") to make action movies with an 80s flair.  The problem is that modern action movies rely on CGI, seizure inducing editing, and chaotic camerawork.  80s movies used stuntmen, judicious editing, and tripods.  So how can you ensure that your 80s-style action picture stays gloriously 80s?  Well, you can cast Sylvester Stallone.  But just watch "The Expendables" and see that no matter how many 80s action icons you cast, the picture will be a digitized, shaky mess (but oh so much fun).  The real solution is to hire one of the masters of 80s action awesomeness to direct.  Enter Walter Hill.

If you or your dad grew up in the 80s, the odds are several of your favorite action movies of that time are directed by Walter Hill.  Hill started in the 70s with a trio of films: "Hard Times" with Charles Bronson, "The Driver," and "The Warriors."  Those movies alone would solidify anyone as one of the greats.  If your son is a late bloomer, show him any one of those flicks this weekend and it'll kick start puberty.  Show him all three and you'll end up sending a lumberjack to middle school on Monday.

Hill was not satisfied with the awesomeness of his 70s movies.  He would enter the 80s with "The Long Riders" and continue to bless us with "48 Hours," "Streets of Fire," "Brewster's Millions" (not action but still great), and "Red Heat."  His 90s output was iffy and he seemed to slow down and focus on television.  So why did I bring all this up?  Because Walter Hill is back!  And it is glorious!

I will say that "Bullet to the Head" is not a great movie.  But it is an exceptionally fun movie.  What more can you ask for?  In a world where so many action movies are huge spectacles and the stakes are to save the world or a city or an economy or something huge, it's nice to see a movie where the scale is limited to two men and the stakes are their lives.  That's it.  No need to destroy whole buildings.  No nigh omnipotent/omnipresent uber-villian.  "Bullet to the Head" is a movie where mean, muscular men meet in warehouses to shoot each other and when the bullets run out they punch each.  To death.

"Bullet to the Head" is about an assassin who must team up with a cop to stay alive while being hunted by mercenaries.  There's nothing fancy going on.  Stallone plays his role (the assassin) as an old man for once.  He's a badass old man, but he's still an old man.  There's a moment when the assumption is made that he's in a relationship with a woman in her 20s.  That's how Stallone movies have been forever.  The action hero has a hot, young girl.  But here he explains with disgust that that's his daughter.  It's a nice recognition of his age (Stallone is 67, can you believe it?!).

The cop is played by Sung Kang who is probably best known for his participation in the "Fast and Furious" franchise.  He's fine in this movies but he's not given much to do.  He's constantly on his phone which annoys Stallone's character (he's playing an old man and old people hate technology).  But his real job in the movie is to sit there and absorb casual racism.  The intent seems to be to further establish Stallone as an out-of-touch old man.  If you're a fan of the good natured, racist ribbing in "Gran Torino," you'll find yourself grinning at all the Asian stereotypes.  In the end, Kang's character ends up being a master martial artist thus making him an Asian stereotype.  But at least it's a good stereotype, I guess.

Jason Momoa plays the leader of the mercenaries.  Even after the horror that is "Conan," I was still willing to give Momoa a chance.  And he did not disappoint.  The man is made for old school action.  He's so monstrous and menacing that I was certain the good guys would lose.  Momoa is the standout actor in "Bullet in the Head" (although I was super giddy to see Christian Slater).

Other than awkward racism, the other oddities in "Bullet in the Head" are as follows:

1) Sung Kang plays a guy named Taylor Kwan and Jason Momoa plays a guy named Keegan.  I'm sorry to any dudes named Taylor or Keegan, but these are not the kind of names you give awesome action heroes.  Maybe I'm stuck in the past like old man Stallone.  But every time someone called out "Taylor!" or spoke fearfully about a man named Keegan, I groaned.

2) The product placement.  Had I known about this, I would have purchased the items showcased in the movies.  Because they're both booze.  Don't miss out like I did.  Miller Lite and Bulleit Bourbon (get it?) are constantly demanded by the characters.  Being that this is a pretty dumb movie, a few Miller/Bulleit boilermakers can only serve to make it more enjoyable.

3) This movie is prudish about nudity, right up until it revels in nudity.  A couple ladies are set up to get very naked, but instead some almost Austin Powers-esque, strategically placed nudity blockers start popping up.  And then you are expected to be satisfied because they film a very in-your-face butt shot.  But when the movie deals with actresses who don't have speaking parts, the boobs come flying out.  It feels very out of place.  I'm cool with nudity-free movies, but don't flip-flop like that.  It makes the scenes where things are covered up comical.

That about covers it.  "Bullet to the Head" is a movie for old school action fans.  I usually hope for my action movies to be a bit smarter.  But when they are as thoroughly entertaining as this, I can't really complain.  Watch it with your dad.  He'll love you more for it.  And don't forget the Miller Lite.

6 out of 10