Snow White and the Huntsman

Why couldn't this movie be Evil Queen and the Dwarfs?  Seriously, they are the best thing about this movie.  But I guess I should get a few other things out of the way before I gush over Charlize Theron and a miniaturized who's who of British character actors.

The most important thing to say is that Snow White and the Huntsman is not a good movie.  But it's not a bad movie either.  I would say that it is watchable.  Outside of Theron and the design (especially sets and costumes), SWatH has some major issues.  Usually, I would break down the bad things and then follow it up with all the good things to kinda redeem the movie a bit.  But I think it'll serve this review better if I just go through any elements that deserve mention and note the good and bad of that element.

The Visuals:  The trailer for SWatH is pretty good.  This is because the visual style is very intriguing.  The film is full of beautiful imagery and strange creatures.  It's eye candy and it's really nice to see.  Sometimes the camera wanders off to explore (or show off) the worlds that the filmmakers created and the pacing (which is pretty shoddy anyway) hurts for it.  But on the whole, it's a very attractive film.

The Design:  Much of what makes the movies visuals so wonderful are the design elements.  Lots of
marvelous practical sets give weight to the scenes.  The costumes (by the incredible Colleen Atwood) are wonderful especially the ones Charlize Theron rocks throughout.  And the various monsters/creatures that are encountered are pretty cool.  I'll lump makeup in here too.  Awesome makeup work, especially on the dwarfs.

The Story:  Lazy.  That's a good word for it.  SWatH has 3 screenwriters: 1 who hasn't done much, 1
who writes cliched tripe, and 1 who writes incredible screenplays.  I'm sure that the first 2 did the bulk of the work with the 3rd doing a last minute polish.  The movie makes very little sense.  Outside of the concept to overthrow the evil queen, almost no character actions or decisions make any sense.  I spent most of the movie exasperatingly throwing my hands in the air and whispering, "Who the hell wrote this thing?" while my girlfriend continually shushed me. (There are only end credits so I had to wait the entire 2 hours to find out who the hell wrote it.)

The Effects:  Makeup could've gone here too, but I'm going to focus on the CGI (very little practical effects used).  Most of it is really good.  I find that effects artists really struggle with birds and SWatH's computer birds were among the best I've come across.  There are some really bad bits though (the fairies and woodland creatures) that may not have been so bad if the whole film's effects were of that quality.  But when seen immediately after (or sometimes right next to) the really great digital work, they look absolutely cartoony.  I laughed at the fairies.  They're that bad.

The Dwarfs:  Awesome!  Awesome!  Awesome!  My favorite thing in the movie.  They're all played by very un-small British actors, many of whom you'll recognize if you squint hard enough past the prosthetics and crazy hair.  SWatH has 8 dwarfs but only six may be considered somewhat famous: Ian McShane (go watch Deadwood all of it), Ray Winstone (go watch Sexy Beast), Bob Hoskins (go watch The Long Good Friday), Toby Jones (go watch Infamous), Eddie Marsan (go watch Happy Go Lucky), and Nick Frost (go watch Hot Fuzz).  They show up, kick ass, wow you with the thought of the effects that made them possible, get you really hooked on them, and then are promptly relegated to the background and crummy attempts at comic relief.  Enjoy them while you can.

The Huntsman:  Chris Hemsworth does the best he can with the material.  I take that back.  If he didn't have that Scottish accent, he would've done the best he could with the material.  The accent is jarring especially in his voice over, but he makes up for it with a natural charisma that must be the envy of any actor working today.

The Princess:  Kristen Stewart continues to show the world that she is truly one of the worst actresses working today.  She spends the entire movie looking extremely uncomfortable.  It's the same look I have when I have a stomach ache and I'm still expected to be at work all day.  She also manages to always look like she's about to cry.  There are no points in the movie where discomfort is the appropriate emotion to convey and few where she should be about to cry (and her eyes are usually dry at those times).  I never once saw Snow White on the screen.  I only could see an actress who looked like she was really sad that she couldn't find a bathroom.

The Queen:  Charlize Theron as the evil queen, Ravenna (because she practices black magic and can turn into crows), owns this movie.  Theron's performance is worth the entire admission price.  Honestly, I was sad to see her defeated.  She understands that the script is ridiculous and plays it very over the top.

The best thing this film could've used was more of the actors to watch Ridley Scott's Legend.  Fantasy melodrama in a highly stylized film is not impossible.  In fact it can be great.  Unfortunately, SWatH is not great.  It's quality is worth a rental at best, but I worry that much of the grand visual style will be lost on the average TV screen.

6 out of 10